Best Seller ≠ Best Writer

mimi is obsessive when it comes to her reading. If I pick up a book, I generally finish it. Of course, that takes some vetting. I’ll browse an opening chapter or back cover copy before I commit (mimi is not a reading ho). Once I commit, though, I’m in ’til the end. Normally, this is a good thing. Unfortunately, not so much with the book I finished last night.

The book in question was a paperback original by a New York Times bestselling author. I’ve read books by her in the past and enjoyed them. I actually got to meet her this past summer at a publisher-sponsored booksigning, and I’m sorry to say that her personality didn’t match her work. One of the most humorless women I’ve ever met, and that’s saying something. But I like books and I like reading and my sister likes her, too, so I went away generally happily with her books. Happily until last night.

The book in question featured a plotline I like, so that was fun. Interesting opening. Then I hit the swamp. Research dumped in, paragraph after paragraph. Brand names sprinkled hither and yon for no discernable effect except to have brand names. Clunky sentences. And I mean clunky. I read one out loud, and my ten-year-old daughter recast it better. An alpha hero who’s really an asshat. Bitchy women wearing their “Spunky!” T-shirts who weren’t fooling anyone. But I struggled on, and when I got to the end, I didn’t get the sigh. Usually I get a sigh. Often, tears. But a sigh, at least, that everything worked out the way it should. This time, not so much. Our heroine wasn’t a Mary Sue (although she was close, with all that “My life is so screwed up!!” flailing about), but he was still an asshat at the time he suddenly realized He Loved Her, and she took him anyway. Blech.

The lesson? “NYT Bestseller” on the spine of a book doesn’t guarantee a great read, even if it’s the type of book you usually adore. Some authors are mean. Having an author brand is no substitute for clean writing and characters who aren’t asshats. Sorry, Ms. Author, but you’ve lost a reader. And mimi’s learned some things to apply to her own writing career that she needs to go apply right now.