If You Can’t Say Something Nice

Lauren Lise Baratz-Logsted has some excellent advice for writers today. In her “Dear Author: Don’t Be a Jerk. No, Really.” post at Red Room, she takes authors to task for distasteful behavior. Things you’d think authors would realize, like not calling out other authors, not dissing authors who have been kind enough to give you a blurb, restraining yourself over negative reviews, not blasting the art department over a bad cover, not acting like a know-it-all, etc. All of this seems common sense, but…

…there are far too many people in the world who just don’t get this sort of thing. Thankfully, I was raised in a Southern family, which means the Golden Rule applies in all situations, but when you feel you just can’t be nice, you either
1) Smile and say “bless your heart,” or
2) Practice the art of being nice-nasty.
My mother is the World and Olympic champion of nice-nasty. She can be sweet, sweet, sweet and say something so truthful that if you have any consciousness whatsoever, you realize you’ve just been eviscerated. Eventually. Some folks are too thick for nice-nasty and don’t get it even if they’re tripping over their own entrails.

But mimi! I hear you cry. Isn’t being nice-nasty just the opposite of what you proclaim in this here blog title? Yes, but no. Yes, because you are, indeed, saying something not nice. No, because nice-nasty is conducted in private, between yourself and the offendee. It is the total opposite of Ms. Baratz-Logsted’s list of offensive behaviors, since all of those are conducted in public and with flair. As in, “notice me and how important I am.” Like this author person I know, who, upon initial publication, declared to another author friend of mine that she needed to change her book title, because newly-published author’s book had a similar one, and newly-published author of course, OWNED it for time and all eternity. Or something. Let’s just say this author person has had her bad behavior come back to her in spades. People now know how toxic and awful she can be, as if every time she pauses for someone to speak, the next line out of her mouth is, essentially, “Camera back on me.” This is not a way to win friends, which you certainly need in this business, heartless and fickle that it is.

mimi is a lucky, lucky girl to have her beloved Puffs and her “Contract in 12” partners in crime along for the ride. Good times and bad, they are supportive, caring, and know just when to administer hugs. Or chocolate. Or a whiskey sour. These friends will get all the blessings they deserve, because they are, as we Southerners also say, “Good People.”

That, and they have sense enough not to need Lauren L. B-L.’s advice.