The Taxman Cometh

Okay, okay, I get it. If I don’t manage to file a tax return early and get back somewhere in the neighborhood of $50, I am an accounting doofus and don’t deserve to swim in the big kids’ pool with everybody else.

Well, that’s not how it works in my neck of the woods. Anytime a bonus gets shoveled toward a Florida teacher, they tax the living daylights out of it, to the tune of about 28%. And since we’re talking about bonuses here, you’re never sure how many of them, if any, you can get.

I’m already claiming every dependent possible except the dogs–Uncle Sam looks askance at deductions for four-legged kids–married rate, filing jointly, etc. I’m not exactly sure how I’m supposed to make this deduction/bonus thing work out to nearly zero. Frankly, since I’m not even excited enough about taxes to bestir myself to do them early, I can’t see myself getting worked up to figure out how to make my return come back at less than $100. I know, don’t tell me, government’s using my money interest-free. I know, but I just don’t care enough. If I did, I’d be able to find all my receipts in one place.

People who know me well are laughing their asses off right now at the thought of me being up-to-the-second on filing, or even filing at all.

Some thoughts about taxes, for the gal who finished eaaaaaaaaaarly this morning (1:06 am):

• Make the code simpler. There’s a reason we don’t study Cunieform anymore.
• Why can’t the IRS build a secure interactive 1040 web page? There’s a sensible use for my interest-free tax dollars.
• Put all the same credits in the same place on the form. All the child care/child deductions/additional child lines are scattered across the thing like chicken feed.
• If you have to release a publication explaining the tax code or usage, it’s probably a bad idea. Simplify, simplify.

I don’t think I’m in league with the “your tax return should fit on a postcard” people, but there has to be a way to make this system less Byzantine. If it were, maybe more people wouldn’t be crowding the post office on deadline day.