What Bug Did I Kill in a Previous Life? or, Why I Still Don’t Have Hot Water

Today, DH and I get cranky with the Home Depot install crew that was supposed to install our new hot water heater “same day” yesterday. They claim they called yesterday before lunch to apprise us of some City code-upgrade requirements, blah blah blah. Whatever, doofuses. Explain to me how calling the manager of our local Home Depot store qualifies as contacting us?

So this morning I call and chew out the installers. They promise to call DH and have it in this evening. That is, they’ll have it in this evening as long as we rip the utility sink or the storage cabinet off the wall, otherwise it’ll cost us $70 more than the estimate (and that’s on top of the surprise $70 it’ll take to bring the sucker up to City code). Fine, I say, deal with the husband. Just don’t act surprised when he excavates a new orifice in your body.

Call DH after my workshop ends, he says installers will be here this evening between 5 and 9. Hot water is apparently in my future! Huzzah!

Oh, how easily led I am. This evening shows up. So does an installer. Installer claims we have a bad valve letting water into the water heater. Won’t go near it with the torch unless we can cut the water off to the house entirely. DH and installer go outside. Cannot cut off water. Cannot locate valve to cut off water, despite several whacks at various water-looking pieces of equipment. Installer says, “Sorry, Charlie, call the installers again. See ya!” Packs new water heater back onto truck, heads into sunset.

I now have the following:

1. Busted water heater that’s still leaking all over the floor
2. Washing machine in the middle of my laundry room
3. Utility sink in the middle of my garage
4. No hot water
5. A serious case of the red ass, as I must wash my hair tomorrow morning and despise cold showers

I take kids to have dinner with a friend of mine. When I get back, DH informs me that valve to turn off water to house is right where Installer Man was fiddling, claiming he couldn’t find valve to turn off water to house. I would find this funny, except that I’m looking down the barrel of a freezing cold shower in the morning and no guarantee that the installer men will finally finish climbing out of their clown car and install the damned thing tomorrow.

I am repaying some bizarro karmic debt, I just know. I’d better get my behind to yoga class on Sunday, or something in my house might explode. Please, God, don’t let it be the A/C…