Where Have All the Parents Gone?

DH and I aren’t perfect parents–heck, he was in the Mega-Lo-Mart at 10:30 tonight buying kites for the kids to use during Kite Week this week–but at least his kids were home in bed. He came home incredulous at the number of kids with their parents in the Mega-Lo-Mart at 10:30 on a Sunday night.

Hello? Do the words SCHOOL NIGHT not mean what they used to when I was a kid? Dang, my mom and dad made me go to bed by 9:30 when I was in high school. What’s up with six year olds out shopping that late?

While I’m on my rant, here are some things I’ve noticed, as a parent and a teacher, that some other “parents” (using that word in quotations because although they may have spawned the spawn in question, they sure aren’t doing the raising part too well) ought to think about more often:

• Your kids have homework. Even the big ones. Check it even if you don’t know how to do it.
• Your kids never do “nothing” at school. If that’s the answer to your question, you’re not asking the right question. Either that, or your kid is lying to you.
• Sleep is good. Make them get some.
• Curfews are good. Make them obey one.
• Manners are good. Make them use them.
• R-rated movies are for grownups. Do not bring your four-year-old to a slasher film, even if they are likely to fall asleep at some point. Number one, you can’t guarantee they will fall asleep before seeing something you don’t want them to see. Number two, if you can’t get a sitter, perhaps you should consider Netflix as a cheaper alternative.
• If you think your kids might be annoying the other restaurant patrons, they probably are. If you are too oblivious to see that your kids are annoying the other restaurant patrons (wandering the restaurant, tripping servers, talking at a VERY LOUD VOLUME, and whining and tantrum-throwing would be clues), then perhaps you should consider takeout as an alternative.
• Your kids have plenty of friends. You are mom, or perhaps dad. They need you to be mom and dad, not their buddy. Besides, no way are you cool enough to hang with them, all protestations to the contrary.
• Every moment of your child’s time does not need to be filled with a club, team, or other activity. Let them be bored. It helps them develop their problem-solving skills.
• Your child is, probably, NOT the second coming of: a) Michael Jordan, b) Mia Hamm, c) Bill Gates, d) Yo Yo Ma, or e) all of the above. Your child is a unique person who should develop into a unique person. Sometimes, they’re not that bright/talented/athletic, but that doesn’t make them any less wonderful than they are. Cherish who they are, not who you hope you can develop them into by scheduling every moment of their time with a club, team, or other activity. Sometimes, raising a responsible adult is accomplishment enough.
• If you do want to develop a creative, talented child, don’t, for Pete’s sake, buy a TV for your child’s room, especially if that child is younger than ten. Books, absolutely. Toys that make them exercise their minds. You have no idea how many kids I teach who can’t think their way through simple problems because they have never had to.
• Watch your mouth. They do pick up on everything you say. The “F” word isn’t pleasant coming out of a five-year-old’s mouth. Or a fifteen-year-old’s, for that matter.
• And please, mothers with daughters, don’t let them do adult things when they are children. There is nothing more unpleasant than watching a four-year-old dance like a video vixen, especially when she is surrounded by a group of adults yelling “Go ahead!” and clapping because they think it’s cute. It’s not. Your girls have plenty of time to develop their sexuality–do you really want to have it happen before middle school?
• Speaking of sexuality, your teenage daughter does not have to dress from the Hoochies-R-Us catalog to fit in with her peer group. If she’s dressed like a streetwalker, don’t let her out on the street.
• Prom souvenirs should be pictures, not newborns. Don’t let your kids rent hotel rooms! (This happens more often than you think)

Okay, I feel better now. As my dad used to say, End of Sermonette.